Himesama
by Bakunawa
Summary: femNarutoxSasuke. AU. Random one-shots. Un-beta-ed. Where Naruto was born a girl, Minato survived the Kyuubi attack and became an overly protective father, and Sasuke falls in love with a princess.
1. First

**Hime-sama**

by: _Bakunawa_

* * *

><p>I. First<p>

The first time Naruto met Sasuke, she had thought of nothing particular about him.

It had been on an unparticular spring afternoon with an unparticular weather as she went through her unparticular routine of destroying the backyard flowerbed. She had stopped halfway of pulling out one bud off its roots when a shadow came from behind her. For an instant, she had thought of her caretakers or one of the estate guards or one of those shroudy ANBUs-she would always welcome one Uchiha Itachi to catch her but worse if it was her father himself-who had caught her again red-handed but the voice coming from the shadow had been too tiny to be any of them.

"What are you doing?" it had asked.

Naruto had roughly torn the delicate flower before standing up to face a boy of her age with jet-black hair, even darker eyes and a face that looked too much like a girl's. He was nothing particular, unlike Itachi-san.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" she had thrown back petulantly, a hand on her hip and nose in the air.

The boy had given her a critical once over, taking note of her orange yukata with dirt on her sleeves, hands, knees and right cheek, and the poor dying flower on her hand.

_Was this the Hokage's only daughter that Itachi brought me to meet?_ Sasuke had asked himself. He had thought she did not look much either.

It had already been a few months after his older brother began his sentry duties at the Hokage's estate. He had been taking shifts between watching over the Hokage himself and/or his precious yet precocious daughter. Sasuke and most of his clan had bemoaned Itachi's fate of being demoted as a mere bodyguard though he still kept the rank title of an ANBU captain. Their mother had only thought of the more positive side of things while Fugaku, their father and clan head, had kept his comment to himself. Itachi, on the other hand, had seemed contented with the new phase of his career. Not a few times had he mentioned enjoying looking over 'Naruto-hime-sama'.

So for the longest time, Sasuke had wanted to meet this Hime-sama his older brother so fondly talked about during the few times he was at home. Itachi had thought it a wonderful idea but only that unparticular spring afternoon had he gotten around to bringing his younger sibling to the Hokage's estate.

To say the least, the first time seven-year-old Sasuke met Naruto-hime, he had been disappointed to see a tiny pig-tailed girl roughly his age, rolling around the dirt and destroying innocent flowers.


	2. Dead Last 1

**Hime-sama**

by: _Bakunawa_

* * *

><p>II. Dead Last<p>

_(Naruto POV)_

I hate studying. Period.

The reason you ask? I could probably give you a list that could measure the diameter of the Hokage mountain. Twice. And 'diameter' is already a big word for me, mind you.

Let me just give you one to sum it all up why I don't like getting an education...

Studying requires.

It requires time. It requires attention. It requires effort. It requires attendance. It requires actually sitting still for hours and hours inside a bland room with with tutors who had more time chastising me for one little thing or another rather than actually making me learn something. It requires so damn much that sometimes it just makes me want to scream until my eyeballs pop out.

I hate it when people force me to do something because they deem it 'necessary'. And that goes for my education and basically almost everything concerning my life.

They would say "Naruto-hime, please, follow these instructions" or "Hime-sama, don't do that" or "It's important you learn this because your Hokage-sama's child."

The last one is my personal favorite.

I blame it all on Daddy. He has my keepers and/or those freakin' tutors with me 24/7 and would never allow me to go out of the house without at least one ANBU escort visible. I don't know how more there are hidden in the shadows but I could guess. He would never let me out of the estate without valid reason in the first place. Seriously, does a kid ever need a 'valid reason' to even just want to play outside with other kids of her age? I'm already seven for crying out loud!

I know I'm going off of the main issue but being forbidden to every go out of the estate is one of the sub-reasons that gives me more time to spend studying whatever poop they _require_ of me. I mean, who wants to stay cooped up indoors with books that talked about geography when your locked up from an entire world waiting to be explored? Who would want to talk about Konohagakure's magnificent history and its famous dead ninjas when no one has ever bothered to teach me how to do a proper bunshin?

So when Sasuke told me that he was already attending the academy, practically bragging how he's likely the top rank student because the lessons were so easy for him and that he was going to be as strong as his brother Itachi someday... I just snapped.

He thinks he's better than me just because he goes to the academy and he has all the opportunity to compare his skills with everybody else while I'm just home-schooled. Who does he think he is?

I couldn't take it anymore! I want a life like his. I want to do things on my own because I can and I want to, not because I'm required to do it. I want to actually go beyond the estate gates, even beyond this puny village, without a dozen guards trailing behind me and watching my every move. I want to do things with my own hands without people breathing down my neck if I made a mistake. I want to meet people on my own and not because its necessary. And I want to be a real ninja just like everybody else in this village.

Scratch that. I want to be the greatest ninja that ever lived!

Well, Sasuke won't be laughing at me now. A deal had to be established, of course. As Sarutobi-jiji as our witness, my Daddy and I had arrive at a 'compromise' (another big word for me). After a weeks of temper tantrums, death threats, kowtowing and threats of suicide thrown my Daddy's way, I going to be an official student of the academy so long as I make do with a promise that I have to study and pass like what a regular student should.

Piece a cake as long as the get the sweetest part of the damn cake!

I can't wait to see Sasuke's face when I arrive. The entrance test Sarutobi-jiji gave me placed me in the same class as he is. He's going to be sorry he ever mocked me.

I still hate studying. But I think it just got a little more interesting.


	3. Dead Last 2

**Hime-sama**

by: _Bakunawa_

* * *

><p>III. Dead Last 2<p>

_(Sasuke POV)_

"What the hell is she doing in here?"

"Sasuke-kun, do you know that girl? They say she's the Hokage's daughter." A pink-haired girl sitting beside me heard me mumbling. What's her name again?

"Oh, Sakura, you're such a country bumkin," Ino, the girl sitting on my other side, interjects in a whisper, "Of course, Sasuke knows she's the Hokage's daughter. We all see her enough during annual festivities where the Hokage-sama needs to be publicly seen and Sasuke's older brother Itachi works very closely with the Hokage himself so Sasuke's bound to meet her sometime. Am I right, Sasuke-kun?"

Sometimes, it's scary how accurate the information girls can get from idle chatting alone. It's also equally annoying.

"But like Sasuke said," the Yamanaka girl continued, "What is she _really_ doing here in school? Last time I checked, Hokage-sama had her forbidden to even step out of their house gate. This is the first time I actually seen her up close and personal too."

"Really?"

The girl in question is actually standing in front of the class with Iruka-sensei, who was introducing her and at the same time encouraging the class to help make a good experience for the Hokage's daughter.

"Yeah, but you wouldn't really know about it, Sakura, since you came from a civilian family."

"Y-yeah, you're right." The Sakura-girl agrees too quickly. I roll my eyes silently. None of the girls noticed.

"I guess one could get a bit lonely when you're all alone in such a big fancy house," Ino marches on, clearly she never tires of hearing her own voice. "But look at that outfit? Who wears neon orange on any given time and place? I guess that's what you get when you've been locked up all your life."

"I-I-I think orange r-really goes well with Naruto-hime," another voice whispers from behind. It's the Hyuuga heiress.

"Well, that's just your opinion, Hinata. Everyone knows you've been coming and going from the Hokage's house for years."

Only that statement from the Yamanaka girl perks my interest a tiny bit. Naruto did mention once or twice having another friend visit almost regularly. I never knew it had been the Hyuuga heiress though.

"What's it like in there anyway?" Another girl whose name I also always fail to remember asks the Hyuuga, of which the other girl stammers for a reply. And so the idle chatting commences.

How did I end up being surrounded by girls, you might ask? The reason is ironic actually. I wanted to get away from them!

Randomly choosing a table near the back usually deters the fairer population of the class. It might be because this is where the 'Uncool' usually take their seats. But for some reason today, the 'Queen Bee' and her pink-haired 'Side Kick' rolled their proverbial leaves up and nicely (and I mean sickeningly sweet _'nicely'_) demanded my earlier seatmates to take another table.

I should have seen that as a sign already because whenever things involved girls, particularly girls in my class, something bad-or in my usual case, humiliating-happens.

And now Naruto is here, looking very smug at me. What's up with that though, I have no idea.

Something tells me that it was going to be a long day today.


	4. Ranting

**Hime-sama**

by: _Bakunawa_

* * *

><p>IV. Ranting<p>

"Hinata!" gasped the blonde little girl in a peach-colored yukata. She immediately scrambled away from her work at the sight of her best friend, leaving papers and pencils flying and a very shocked new tutor.

"Hello Narut-oof!" The tinier girl had to brace herself as the blonde came bouncing her way and glomped her fiercely.

"I missed you soooo much, Hinata!" said Naruto, affectionately rubbing her cheek on the other girl's cheek too, "Why hadn't you come like you usually do on Saturdays? I haven't seen you in like forever too. Do you know that people are making me crazy here and you're the only fun person I know, right?"

The small Hyuuga heir's cheeks pinked at the compliment. Nobody had ever expressed enjoying her company as much Naruto was doing.

"I'm sorry I didn't get to visit. Father started my training a-and it has been taking up most of my weekends. I-I'm sorry, Naruto-hime."

"Training? What training?" Naruto released the other girl from her death-like hug and finally got a good look at her. Hinata looked even smaller and paler. There was a tiredness that was hanging all around her that Naruto wanted to get rid of.

"F-father is teaching me the basics for Gentle Fist style."

"Isn't that your family's ninja fighting style?" Naruto took a step back and Hinata instantaneously missed the warmth.

"Yes," answered Hinata meekly.

"So your going to be busy right?" Naruto's hands were balled into fists on her side as she stared at her bare feet.

Hinata looked at her own hands that were worrying themselves on the sleeve of her own blue yukata. "I might not be able to visit as often as I would like-"

"Or never at all!"

Hinata visibly flinched at the outburst. She felt like crying as she watched her friend tremble with suppress emotions. She knew Naruto would not take this well.

"N-Naruto-hime..." the brunette started but found herself without words.

"Hinata... don't call me that."

The brunette gasped, a hand on her quivering lips. She knew she was going to make a mess of things with the news but at the back of her mind and in the deepest part of her heart, Hinata had been hopeful that Naruto would at least understand. She must have said something wrong or she might not have chosen the right words? And Naruto is suffering for it. Hinata was going to lose her best friend.

_What to do? What to do?_ She asked herself repeatedly in her mind. She had to fix things now with her golden-haired best friend or else Naruto would never talk to her again. She did not know what to do or say however. Her mind was blank and all she wanted to do was cry.

And cry Hinata did.

Naruto was beside her self. Hinata was crying in front of her and she did not know what to do. She must have said something wrong when all she ever wanted was Hinata not to call her princess.

"Hinata, don't cry please..." said Naruto, tentatively taking a step forward.

Hinata continued to sob while trying to say something that Naruto could barely understand from all the hiccuping and the snot.

"I'm not mad, Hinata-chan. Not really. I was kinda mad because I thought you didn't want to see me anymore but then you came and it was actually your dad who held you up because you got training now-which I think is totally awesome by the way-but I still feel sad about it because you'll be so busy now and you're not going to have time for me like _my_ dad who seem to living in his office now instead of his own house..." Naruto paused to breathe, "but at least you get to hang out with _your_ dad now and that's totally cool-"

"N-Naruto..." Hinata had stopped crying without her notice and was looking at Naruto with soft yet puffy pearly eyes, "Your ranting."

"What's 'ranting' mean?"

Hinata broke into a smile and started giggling behind her hand. Naruto pouted in confusion. Seriously, she did not know what the word 'ranting' mean. She heard of it before though but never gotten to ask what it was.

"Hey, don't laugh at me..."

Hinata immediately stopped and scrambled for an apology. "I-I'm sorry, Hime-sama."

"Nah, it's okay..." Naruto took another step forward and embraced her best friend. "Just stop calling me 'Hime'. You always slip up whenever your nervous. Didn't I tell you that before it's just 'Naruto'?"

Hinata nodded her head as she returned the hug. "I'll do my best, N-Naruto."

"That's better." Naruto pecked her best friend still tear-stained cheek a kiss before she let go of the hug. "Seriously though, what does 'ranting' really mean?" the blonde ask again as she led the pink-flushed Hinata by the hand towards the house for some afternoon snacks.

* * *

><p>Next weekend came and Hinata cried again when a certain pigtailed blonde girl arrived at her gate.<p> 


	5. Do You Know Naruto?

**Hime-sama**

by: _Bakunawa_

* * *

><p>V. Do You Know Naruto?<p>

Naruto is many many things.

If you ask a native of the Fire Country who Naruto is, they might just look at you or maybe smile awkwardly and say "Whoever that person's parents are, that person should sue them. Fishcake, seriously?"

If you ask a resident of Konohagakure, you would probably get an immediate answer like, "You mean the chief's daughter?" or "Yes, she's this sunny-haired little girl our Hokage used to carry around with him all the time. He's such a loving father, Hokage-sama. She's older now but he'd often go into a fit whenever she went missing."

If you were to approach a ninja of Konoha, you might hear a lot more colorful descriptions ranging from one end of the spectrum to the other. For example, "Naruto-hime-sama? She is the blooming golden flower who shines brighter than the magnificent sun and burns with the lovely power of youth!". Or if you talking to a much jaded ninja, you get this reply: "The brat."

If you go to the Academy and ask a random teacher, you might still get "The brat" comment with an additional "The bane of my existence? Why would you wanna know?"

If you like to talk to a student who is not from her age group, you might get answers like these, "She's the boss!" or "Hime-sama is the best!" or "She makes this awesome jutsu that would blow your mind!"

If you talk to older students, the replies come variously like "Yeah, she's a troublemaker. Total jailbait if she gets a little older. But don't tell anyone, okay?" or you just get stared down on like your the filthiest thing in existence.

If you ask someone from her age group, then you'd get "Why does it always have to be about her?" or "Naruto-hime's my best friend." with a very knowing smile that would leave you sweating for no reason or just a simple "Troublesome."

But if you ask Sasuke though, he would look at you first and then sigh, "Dobe, what are you up to now?"

Of course, you would have to shed your disguise since you've been caught. You might give a little pout or a snide comment. Then bug him a little bit because you really want to know how he figured you out. He won't give you any though and that would bug _you_ to hell. And then a brilliant idea would struck you by then like all brilliantly genius ideas always do.

Sasuke would be shocked when you suddenly smack your palm on his forehead and than ran like hell out of the room, yelling "Tag, your it!"

He would be furious, of course, but he'd rather get back to you later when you least expect it than chase after you like what most idiots you play pranks on tend to do. A minute later, you would hear him scream bloody murder and come running to get you to have the 'IT' tattoo removed from his forehead.

You are Naruto. And you are many many things.


	6. 1 to 20 Themes

**Hime-sama**

by: _Bakunawa_

* * *

><p>VI.<p>

1. Introduction

She thought he wasn't much to look at from the start. He thought she was supposed to be something more by the end.

2. Light

Maybe, just maybe, they would not see how messed up he really was if he hides in her light.

4. Dark

He was the moon-beautiful, mysterious, cold. He had so many phases, she never felt so unsure and yet so drawn in.

5. Seeking Solace

"He's just too much of a bastard to admit he already knew where it is..." she sniffed with a heavy frown before stomping away. Though, Hinata saw tears threatening to spill in her eyes.

6. Break Away

He drove a fist to her heart. Literally. But she would never let go of the bond.

7. Heaven

He found it in the valley of her breasts.

8. Innocence

It took them two hours just to get it in.

9. Insanity

He found hers trapped in an underground waterlogged prison, inside a huge barred cell.

10. Misfortune

She carried a living demon within her. He held generations of family hatred and insanity within him.

11. Smile

She never would understand but he already died a thousand times over.

12. Silence

It was more deafening if it came from her.

13. Flowers

"Ever since I've met you, you have this tendency to crush things with little provocation. I feel sorry for Sakura."

"Oh, really?"

He smirked, "You know me too well."

14. Night

His hands can be a little to curious for their own good.

15. Expectations

"...Go fuck yourself," she said, deadpanned.

16. Teamwork

Kakashi never taught them actually. They already had it. He just had to point it out for them. Why do you think they're the only team he ever took under his wing?

17. Standing Still

Can only be taught by toads.

18. Family

You don't have to be related to her to be a member.

19. Deep in Thought

Better watch yourself if you ever find her in one of those moments. It almost always ends up badly.

20. In the Storm

She was a tempest. Her motions came in waves with tsunami-like force behind them. He literally had to hold on to something. And when she bends over him, he stops breathing.


	7. 21 to 40 Themes

**Hime-sama**

by: _Bakunawa_

* * *

><p>VII.<p>

21. Drive

Hatred drove him to insanity. Her mouth alone could do more damage though. In more ways than one.

22. Breaking the Rules

By the time she was legal, she already had a PhD.

23. Hold My Hand

He didn't really have to ask her.

24. Danger Ahead

"It's about this tall, blonde and wears orange. You won't miss it if you see it."

25. Give Up

"What's that?"

26. Fairy Tale

"I got a bloody chakra-demon housed in me, an eternal pervert for a godfather, and my prince was once an international criminal whom I had to chase around the continent. I guess somebody up there fucked up."

"I'm your prince?"

"Shut up, teme."

27. Seeing Red

On her hands... in her eyes... on her lips... he knew he lost her completely to the monster.

28. Food

He belatedly realize after months of craving over red apples and cinnamon buns that her shampoo was apples and cinnamon scented.

29. Waiting

Sakura and Ino had loved him first and had chased him for it. She, on the other hand, had to chase him first, catch him, beat the shit out of him and _then_ she began to slowly love him.

30. Dreams

She had always wanted to go out of Konoha, travel the world and make a name for herself.

He had an ambition to kill one man and revive his clan.

She got to live hers because of him.

He fulfilled his with her help.

31. Horror

It will strike her blind, deaf and immobile. He just found a very useful weapon against her.

32. Broken Pieces

"Help me fix it. My hands... I can't. They're trembling to much."

33. Childhood

They knew it was gone. They can't stop now.

34. Two Roads

"I need to find him," she told Hinata, "and when I do, he better be prepared 'cuz he's going to wish he never left in the first place."

35. Keeping a Secret

It could be lethal.

36. Obsession

Once he's hooked, it takes a very _very_ long time for him to get over something. In hindsight, she should have known that already. Too late though. He already locked the door.

37. Do Not Disturb

The doctors said it was called a 'comatose state.' She did not understand how he could sleep that long but she was hopeful. Until then, his room had become her personal hide-out.

38. Pain

A most loyal friend.

39. Are You Challenging Me?

"Dobe..." he smirked.

"Teme!" she screamed.

40. Stars

His science books were all lies. Stars weren't made from gaseous Nebulae in the skies. They were born from her right fist.


	8. 41 to 60 Themes

**Hime-sama**

by: _Bakunawa_

* * *

><p>VIII.<p>

41. Breathe Again

He could not do it without her.

42. Vacation

"Apparently, it's not found in Daddy's dictionary."

43. Creation

He could settle for two. He already knew they were going to be beautiful.

44. Trouble Lurking

Secretly, he loves it. Especially, with tight orange hot pants.

45. Cat

To capture one is a rite of passage to C-rank missions.

46. Mischief Managed

"That was... whoa."

"I know..."

47. Multitasking

Another word for the Shadow Clones Technique.

48. Annoyance

"Hn."

49. Abandoned

She was a tenacious girl. "I could have saved Daddy, if I held on longer. I knew I could have."

50. Drink

Minato nearly died of brain aneurysm the moment he stepped into his daughter's room and found pieces of male clothes scattered on the bed, a familiar purple jacket hanging from the ceiling fan and three pairs of _naked_ legs poking out of the closet.

51. Through the Fire

"And who's idea was this again?"

"I already said I'm sorry! You don't have to yell!"

"Who's going to hear? If you haven't noticed, we blew up an entire castle!

"Just shut up!"

"You're the one who couldn't shut your trap even if it's to save your ass!"

52. Rainbow

She once drew a rainbow. She imagined that the other end would lead her to a mother she never knew.

53. Safety First

"I'm not even going try explaining this to you. Just don't get killed, deadlast."

54. Under the Rain

He was cold and empty. But her arms were warm. So he stayed in her embrace.

55. Tower

A couple of years ago, it had been a great idea to lock her up. That was a couple of years ago.

56. Foreign

Seeing no remorse in his eyes had been more devastating than having his hand through her chest and out the back.

57. Out Cold

At least, she could practice her artistic skills on his face.

58. 67%

"So what? You think seppuku is going to solve that?"

"..."

"You're an idiot!"

59. Precious Treasure

She held too many. Sometimes, it makes him think if there is still a space for him to return to.

60. Drowning

Everywhere, he burns her. Exciting. Enticing.

She holds him in place and he could not help be overwhelmed.


	9. 61 to 80 Themes

**Hime-sama**

by: _Bakunawa_

* * *

><p>IX.<p>

61. Memory

Her mother's name was never carved on the black cenotaph.

62. Questioning

"So that's how the stork brings babies to the mommies, huh?"

The little boy with a toothy grin, nodded his head furiously.

"You mother lied to you, kid. You need sex to make ba-"

He was out of the building, dragged by both teammates, in 0.3 seconds flat.

63. Blood

There had been too much.

It was drowning him deep.

Eternal red tears.

64. Mother Nature

For a girl who never experienced camping in the woods surrounding the village before, she took peeing in the bushes much more... _comfortably_ than he expected.

65. Gray

"Nothing has changed. The sky is still blue. Ramen is still good. And even until the end, it's going to be me trailing after your wrinkled ass. Isn't it, teme?"

Silence.

"It's so unfair..."

66. Illusion

He used Tsukuyomi on her. For some reason, she was keeping a few details out of her report following the attack. When Hinata quietly pointed it out, she blushed.

67. Triangle

There are always three sides to every love story. There's his side, there's her side, and there's everybody else's around them. It's just a matter of perspectives.

68. Can You Hear Me?

His soul was singing with her head on his chest.

69. Test

"Ah, man..."

70. Rejection

His secret fear.

71. Sacrifice

He had given up his first child for the village.

72. Sorrow

For his second born, he instilled the clan legacy.

73. Happiness

The last child came as a late surprise. His third was his own.

74. Playing the Melody

No one knew he was a very skilled musician. He made her reach octaves no one ever knew was possible.

75. Magic

"Hey kids, wanna see me pull a toad out of nowhere?"

76. Kick in the Head

Is the path to enlightenment. She'll make sure to always use it on him.

77. Solitude

She would sometimes acquiesce to his request and leave him alone. She understood his need for it.

78. Puzzle

He was a conundrum of things that she loves and hates.

79. Traps

He wasn't sure when or how long but he had already fallen.

80. No Way Out

"You're just not thinking straight!"


	10. 81 to 100 Themes

**Hime-sama**

by: _Bakunawa_

* * *

><p>X.<p>

81. No Time

Running through the forest without panties was highly uncomfortable. She promised to pay the bastard back a thousand fold after the mission.

82. Relaxation

She was never one for flowers. He figured _that_ the first time he met her. She loved bonsai trees though. She love lounging on her balcony, sunbathing like a cat, with a dozen potted mini trees of varying species she planted herself.

83. Pen and Paper

With a warm bowl of instant ramen and milk already waiting for him on the kitchen table, she left a small short note to start his day.

84. Sport

"I'm a ninja. Why does it matter if I know the game or not?"

"You're such a dork, teme."

"... shut up."

85. Starvation

Mikoto had been preparing more food than was necessary ever since he joined a four-man team. He also noticed his mother had been experimenting with ramen flavors.

86. Words

"I guess I've always known something was wrong with me. I heard their whispers. I saw their looks when they think I wasn't aware. They couldn't do much because of Daddy but... I've always known... I was born with something _terrible_ inside..."

87. Rated

He would almost always have to remind her to be quiet. Almost.

88. Mirror

Eventually, she figured out why sometimes her father would give her that look when he thought she was not looking or when she said or done something incredibly stupid.

89. Eyes

It was a window to her soul, her very core. He never expected to be so shaken.

90. Last Hope

"It was her... It had always been her..."

91. Fortitude

She had more in that tiny body than he could ever comprehend in a life time.

92. Heal

He took it from every touch of her fingers, from every look in her eyes, from every movement of her hips and kiss of her lips. He will never have redemption but in her arms he found himself living again.

93. Stripes

Heaven help him, he could not decide if the tight black and orange shirt should be burned or given an award. His pants obviously had decided.

94. Advertisement

"Do I have a freakin' 'Molest Me' sign written on my forehead or something?" he asked after narrowly escaping another episode of fangirl attacks.

"No. You just have this piece of paper that said 'Pinch Me' on your back."

She never admitted she was the perpetrator.

95. Spiral

Her entire life was a whirlwind of an adventure, mischief and romance. He could not help but be pulled in.

96. All That I Have

She already had everything. She had beauty that was unique hers. She had fame that reaches across the continent (a bridge was named after her, for crying out loud) and beyond. She had the most uncanny lucky streak and with mounds of inheritance she received from both parents and a godfather, she never had to worry about being poor for at least a thousand years. She was practically born from royalty. She also had the skills and guts to defy even the gods themselves.

What she did not have was the patience to wait for three minutes for instant ramen to cook.

97. Tears

She saw the life bleeding out of his eyes. She kissed the stains away tenderly. He was home and that was all that mattered.

98. Hero

At a certain point in ever child's short life, they will come to realize that the person they worship so dearly was anything but. He learned it in the most blood-curdling, horrifying way.

99. Love

"I define it as just me and you and ev'rythin' in between," he slurred ever so slightly. For a second, she thought he was not intoxicated enough to answer her question, let alone reply with with a deadpanned expression. But for him to say something as cheesy and pathetic as that with as much conviction as a man on trial, he was flat out drunk already.

100. Dying

It was just another way to turn to the next chapter.


	11. Drink

**Hime-sama**

by: _Bakunawa_

* * *

><p>XII. Drink<p>

"That was pretty uneventful." Naruto whined to umpteenth time that afternoon, "Why couldn't we get a mission that would lead us to the beach or something? Instead we got a stupid delivery job that a genin team-hell, even academy students could have taken care of. This is the last time I'm letting you take a mission scroll, Hinata-chan. I love you and all but your luck just sucks."

The Hyuuga heiress stopped halfway in writing her name on mission sign-off sheet the gate guards handed them and erupted a bright shade of red. "I-I thought it was kinda fun," she stuttered, "We get to see the Giant Redwoods, didn't we?"

"But no bandits! I heard that forest was supposed to be _crawling_ with them but we didn't get to see a single one!" She was flailing her arms up and down like a child throwing a tantrum.

"Will you stop complaining already?" Sasuke interjected, taking the pen from Hinata and signing his own name on the sheet.

"Oh, just admit it, teme. You were just as bored as I was, " the blonde teenager scoffed, crossing her arms over breasts, "It didn't even take three days like the mission itinerary said would take us to finish it."

"At least I made something productive with my time unlike you." He handed back the pen to Hinata, who hastily wrote the last few strokes of her name's character, and left for the direction of his apartment with his hands deep in his pockets

"As if reading a dusty old book is something to call 'productive'." Naruto walked up to his side and matched his pace while their third teammate had to jog to keep up with them, "Heck, you might have been reading porn for all we know!"

"Don't compare me with Kakashi," he said a little to loudly for his liking.

"Pfff, don't get me started on the little _stash_ I found under your _bed_."

"Don't make up stories, Naruto. You might regret it," he said, deadpanned and without even breaking stride.

"I'm not making anything up!" she turned to Hinata with glinting mischievous eyes, "Believe me when I say he does have R-rated magazines under his bed!"

"You really have to scream it out loud, don't you?" Sasuke was glaring fire to whoever was in front of him.

"Because it's true! You do have porn hidden under your bed, Sasuke-kun!"

Not oddly enough, a few reacted to the blonde's outburst. A pair of passing kunoichi giggled under their hands. A mother with her son scoffed at her language and immediately dragged her child inside a store. Even an elderly man gave him a toothless grin.

"What are you? Twelve?" the young Uchiha hissed at his rumbustious teammate.

His growing irk only served to entertain the blonde as she laughed heartily. His more sensible teammate was no real help either. Hinata only stood beside Naruto with a sheepishly apologetic smile thrown his way.

"That's it..." he made a move to shunshin out of the scene when a slightly tanned hand reached out to take his wrist.

"Wait, wait, wait," she tried stifling he giggles, "Where do you think your going? I was just kidding around."

"I have more important things to attend to," he said, snatching his hand from her grip, "So if you will excuse me..."

"Geez, Sasuke, will you lighten up for once?" She held her both hand up from his increasing hostile glare. "Look Hinata and I are heading for my place. Since we finished the mission early, she and I are having a sleepover. Her dad won't be expecting her until tomorrow morning anyway."

"So?"

"So why not hang out with us for a couple more hours?" she shrugged, trying to sound casual.

"I'll be making dinner tonight," Hinata pitched in, beaming, "I'm planning curry."

"And you know how divine Hinata's curries are." The blonde was practically salivating by the mere thought of her best friend's cooking. "Second only to ramen," she added dreamily.

"I'll take a rain check." He was about to make his leave again when two set of hands grabbed his shirt.

"Oh, come on, Sasuke," Naruto whined again, "You never hanged out with us anymore ever since you moved out of your parents' house. You know as well as we do that you don't do anything after missions. When was the last decent meal you ate?"

The raven teen left eye flinched almost unnoticed. The girls were keen to his reactions however.

"We know your mom often visits to bring you lunches and stuff," she continued, concern written on her face, "but let's face it, you can't cook even if your life depen-hmph phm!"

"Th-that's not what she meant!" squeaked the brunette, holding a firm hand over the taller girl's mouth. "Naruto, we talked about this..." she whispered. Sometimes, it takes all of Hinata's inner strength not to smack the blonde upside the head for her lack of tact.

"What did I say?" protested the blonde behind her best friends fingers, though most if it were muffled up.

Both girls knew how touchy Sasuke's was about anything that concerns his family, especially his relationship with his father. Now more than before.

Anybody who knew him warily avoid broaching the subject. Anybody who _wasn't_ Naruto, that is.

Sasuke sighed, closing his eyes for a moment before turning his back slowly from them. "I don't need your charity. So. Buzz. Off!" His tone was ice cold. The look in his eyes were even colder as he gave them warning not to stop him from leaving.

"All right..." the blonde seethed, fists clenched tightly, "That's how it's always going to be."

Hinata had to take a step back, clutching her hands to her heart before Naruto hollered, "You're such a stuck up jerk! Do you think I care if you starve to death, locking yourself up in that shithole? I'd rather see you die eating your own arm out! Argh!"

The blonde angrily threw her arms up in exasperation and continued while people were starting to stare, "And here I was trying to be nice to you for once because hey, you're having a rough time and everybody _sees_ you're not doing so well with it even though you always play it out like you don't give a shit. Yeah, you're always playing it like you're the _coolest_ guy in town. Well, I got news for you buddy, you're human like everybody else! Spend at least a fourth of your dumb life on human interaction because the gods know you need it! So if somebody asks you if you wanna hang out, _you_ hang out!"

Naruto was panting hard after the tirade. Eyes were locked on Sasuke's unblinking black irises while her fists were trembling at her side.

Hinata stood at the side, fidgeting as people watch the scene Naruto was making with mild interest or indifference. Everybody in Konoha were pretty much used to the blonde's explosive tendencies and, as a matter of fact, almost 80 percent of the kunoichi population in the village more or less have the same violent urges. Hinata just never got used to it though.

The Hokage's child and the young Uchiha both stood in silence, watching each other for long awkward stretch.

"Che, you never give up, do you?" It was Sasuke who broke eye contact, turning to face the other direction with a hand on his temples.

"Damn straight!" The blonde tilted her chin up boldly, fist on hip. She could not keep the small smirk blooming from her face though.

"I think it's called bullheadedness," the young man added as he leisurely walked passed her towards the Hokage's mansion.

"What did you say?"

"And has anybody told you, you talk to much? If you really wanted to ask me out you could have done it in one sentence."

That caught Naruto off guard, lamely sputtering, "Y-you conceited bastard..."

"You didn't have to drag Hinata in your little games either."

"What the hell are you talking about? I wouldn't even dream of dating you even if you're the last male of the species."

"Wow, I never knew you've recently added a few words in your vocabulary. Can you even spell 'species'?"

"Let me spell out 'asshole' for you with my fists!"

Hinata followed the duo a few paces behind. At least they did not have to resort to Naruto's plan B, she thought with a sigh. It would have involved her paralyzing the Uchiha from the neck down with Gentle Fist then hogtie him to a pole just so that they could carry him to Naruto's house. She really didn't think she could pull off a quick one on the Uchiha anyway but Naruto had been adamant in getting their ever brooding teammate to open up a little bit.

* * *

><p><em>After dinner later...<em>

They were sitting in one of the mansion's three receiving rooms. This one was facing the back garden.

Sasuke remembered it was the same part of the mansion he and Naruto first met.

Hinata also had very fond memories of the place and was very contented in sitting quietly, reminiscently looking into space.

Naruto was still in the kitchens getting tea ready.

Silence hung between the two occupants.

"..."

"..."

And it was awkward.

"..."

"..."

Very awkward.

Admittedly, they had been on the same team for a few years already. They had gone through countless missions together, trained together if not. They had been in tight situations together and knew they got each others back when things get rougher. Their interactions were almost always professional, however. On casual settings, they always have other friends, mainly Naruto, hanging around so personal contact between them were very few and  
>very far in between.<p>

"Uhm..." Hinata broke the silence.

Sasuke gave her an indifferent sideways look as he leaned broodingly on the low table, chin on fist.

"Uh, Naruto is taking a long while..." she attempted to sound conversational.

"Hn."

"..."

Very awkward.

"Sasuke-kun?" she attempted again. He acknowledge her with another low grunt. "I-I do hope you aren't too upset with us for dragging you to dinner?"

"It was alright I guess..." Sasuke responded, indifferently looking the other direction, "Thanks. Curry was... delicious."

For Hinata, that was enough.

It was not that Sasuke was unappreciative, he was just not used to expressing it, she surmised. She was already too familiar with inexpressive men. It comes with being born to Hyuuga.

"Tell me why am I staying longer for this?" he grumbled, slumping even further.

"Because you can't say 'no' to her?" Hinata suggested, beaming.

Sasuke gave her a long unblinking look. The Hyuuga girl stared back with the sweetest smile, a challenge to prove her wrong.

"No, she just doesn't take 'no' for an answer. It's different."

Hinata giggled, "Naruto does get violent sometimes."

"Understatement of the year, Hinata."

"Okay, okay." Hinata chuckled openly.

It was at the moment Naruto walked with a platter in hand.

"What's the joke that you guys left me out of?" she asked, pouting.

"Where's the tea?" Sasuke pointed out.

"Ehe, about that..." the blonde sheepishly explained, putting the platter on the table. "I think I might have put something different in the pot. It smelled a little funny so I threw it away. Good thing I found juice in the fridge and some umeboshi."

"Juice for after dinner tea?" Hinata seemed perturbed of the idea as she watched Naruto pour them drinks from a huge pitcher filled with grape juice.

"How did you end up messing the tea in the first place? You're useless." Sasuke said, derisively.

"Shut up, you bastard!" The blonde practically slammed the Uchiha's glass in front of him.

"You're going to give us constipation, you know that?" Sasuke scoffed.

"Like you don't have pole up your ass already," Naruto bit back.

"What was wrong with the tea, Naruto?" Hinata asked, interjecting.

Naruto shrugged, "I thought I was sure but do you remember the tea bags you gave me not too long ago? "

The brunette gave a long silent "oh" in realization as she took her glass, before remembering her manners.

"Do I even want to know what you two are talking about?" Sasuke rolled his eyes as he took a sip of his juice.

"Just be thankful, teme," Naruto growled, "because if I had given you cup, your balls would have shriveled and died."

"So it was _those_ sort of tea." Sasuke actually looked up, strangely interested.

"What are you you talking?" Naruto asked with genuine confusion on her face.

Hinata was quicker to catch on as she sputtered a bit of juice on her sleeve.

"You said it yourself, dobe," Sasuke continued, mock-disbelief on his face, "I'm actually surprised you're taking those. Makes you wonder what you're up to... or what you' have _been_ up to." Sasuke gave her a narrowed critical eye before swiveling his gaze to the young woman sitting beside him. "I'm even _more_ surprised they came from you, Hinata."

Hinata visibly flinched away and flushed a pretty faint pink. "I-I-It's not what you think?" she protested, voice rising an octave higher than her usual.

"What is he talking about?" Naruto's eyes were scrunched closed in her utter lack of understanding.

Hinata was gawping like a fish between Sasuke and Naruto. "I-It's not... but-no..."

"There's nothing really wrong about it, I just never took you for that type of girl." Sasuke snickered coolly, looking pointedly at Hinata, "And now you're influencing the dobe with your... _unsavory_ ways. Tsk."

The Hyuuga heiress flushed even redder as she frantically defended herself, "It was for menstrual cramps! Naruto had been complaining a-about pains so I gave her some herbal tea for menstrual cramps s-so stop looking at me like that p-please!"

The young Uchiha chuckled behind a clenched fist, looking away. A low rumble at first and then open free laugh.

The young women openly stared, Hinata still red and upset while Naruto admittedly confounded.

"What?" Sasuke was sheepish.

"What's the matter with you, teme?" Naruto busied herself with her own drink, "For a second there, I thought you were losing your mind."

"I was just teasing," he shrugged, smirking.

Hinata could not help stare at him dumbly. When did Sasuke ever been this amicable with her? He was always straightforward and business with her.

"I known it's standard for kunoichi to take contraceptives as soon as they reach the right age. It's not that big of a secret," he continued taking a bite of umeboshi before taking the pitcher to pour himself more juice.

Hinata also noticed he was talking more now than he was at dinner.

"Oh, so that's what you've been talking about," the blonde slapped a hand on the table.

"And that's what I would like to call 'slow'," Sasuke placed much emphasis on the last word.

"I thought you talking about something else so how was I supposed to understand? And how dare you accuse Hinata of anything, you bastard."

"I was just fooling around, dobe," Sasuke bit back, throwing a piece of umeboshi on Naruto's cheek, "You really think Hinata would go sleeping around like some floozy?"

"It's okay," Hinata smiled, a bit embarrassed by her outburst as she took drink of juice herself, "I was just taken off guard, that's all."

"See, she's okay with it," Sasuke shrugged, "Anyhow, blondes are more likely to sleep around."

A beat or two later... pandemonium broke loose.

* * *

><p><em>Minutes later...<em>

"You are going to be in so much trouble," Sasuke shook his head slowly.

"Shut up," Naruto murmured, "This would not have happened if you just stayed put and let me slice your head off."

"Well, sor-ry for having some sense of self-preservation," Sasuke leaned back on the low table, glass of juice in hand.

The blonde did not throw a comeback but focused on the task of realigning the two pieces of a once decorative scroll. It was too crumpled up however to be put back together.

"Argh, Daddy made this himself," she grumbled in frustration, "he's going to be pissed."

"That's what you get when you resort in violence for every conflict." It was not Sasuke who said the sagely quote.

"Aw, Hinata-chan, I thought you were on my side?" Naruto pouted.

"I'm on nobody's side," she said calmly, taking a small bite off an umeboshi, "I'm just saying that you're being too careless, Naruto-chan. Someone's going to get seriously hurt if you continue this." She lifted a fist and gently bopped the blonde on the head.

Naruto winced even though Hinata's fist was nothing but gentle. "I'll just put it together with glue, okay?"

"It won't be the same," Hinata said, this time pinching her best friend's nose, "You'll just have to deal with your father's wrath once he gets home."

"Ow, Hinata-chan! That hurt!" Naruto tried pulling her nose from Hinata's firm grip.

Sasuke watched the pair with a raised brow. Hinata was getting a bit too touchy-feely with their blonde teammate. She was pinching different parts of Naruto's face-nose, cheeks, ears.

"Hinata-chan, stop it!" Naruto whined loudly as her cheeks were stretched out to their limit, "You don't know how strong your fingers are. They're like iron pincers!"

Hinata released her best friend's face with an audible smack and started to giggle. "Sorry," she said, though she far from apologetic, "But you're so cute and pouty, I couldn't help myself."

Sasuke was little perturbed. The girls had been friends since childhood, even longer than he had been friends with both, and it was not uncommon for them to show each other affection but Hinata was acting a bit out of character tonight.

"No-Hinata! W-wait, stop it! Ow, ow, ow!"

The brunette was now cuddling the blonde while pinching her in random places.

"Sasuke, help me!" Naruto cried as she scrambled away from the brunette. She didn't go far when Hinata grabbed her ankles and pulled her back.

"Come here, you little you..." the brunette had a dark evil look on her face that promised death by tickles and pinches.

Yeah, something about Hinata was off tonight.

Sasuke sat back with his drink as he watched the two girls play with strange interest.

* * *

><p><em>Later later...<em>

"You know Sasuke..." Naruto said solemnly. She was sprawled on the floor facing the ceiling. Sasuke had to lean to the side in order to see her face, half covered the table. "You're a nice guy," the blonde continued, almost whispering, "If you weren't such a dick all the time."

The Uchiha snorted, "What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing," she shrugged, "I just think you're nice guy, is all. Like for example, your mom. You love her so much that you'd do everything she tells you. You'd complain like you always but you are _definitely_ a mama's boy-hey!"

Sasuke poked the blonde's forehead none too gently.

"I say it how I see it, okay?" Naruto was about to retaliate but changed her mind when she saw the almost pouty look on her teammates face. "You're also a very helpful person," she muttered again, "I think it comes from your _need_ to be perfect with everything. So you can't stand it whenever Hinata misses a step in her own Jukenho or if I break out of formation to do something badass."

"You're not making sense, you know."

"I'm not done yet," Naruto snapped again, "Stop interrupting me. As I was saying... whenever you see something wrong, you always go out of your way to fix it. You don't do it half done too. You're so anal. Have I said thank you that one time you help me with math?"

Naruto arched her back to look at her teammate. Sasuke was quietly looking at her incredulously too.

"Guess you don't remember. It was a long time ago anyway," she shrugged, lying back down with arms behind her head, "My point is that you're a closet nice guy, Sasuke. You're just afraid people would know about it. That's the part I don't get though."

"Don't think about it too much," the Uchiha was definitely pouting, looking the other way, "You'll only hurt you puny head if you do."

"Asshole," the blonde said, though without the usual spite in her words, "See what I mean? You're always such a... argh, such a dick whenever something good comes your way. You always shut everybody out."

Sasuke simply rolled his eyes. "And I thought only Hinata was acting strange tonight..." he muttered, sipping juice again.

"What did you say?"

"I was asking why Hinata is taking too long to get umeboshi."

* * *

><p><em>Much later in Naruto's room...<em>

Hinata could not stop giggling over the sight of Sasuke struggling with himself. His hands were already poised at the handle, ready to pull the drawer open.

"Hn," the Uchiha was irked. How did the Hyuuga even manage to convince him to give into the dare? He couldn't even remember how he even ended up joining the girl's little game of Truth or Dare.

Things had been getting a little hazy. At first he thought it was just the lightness of the atmosphere that started out with dinner but then he was starting to get _really_ lightheaded with their after-dinner refreshment.

"What am I supposed to do again?" he asked dumbly.

"Find Naruto's lousiest undergarment," the Hyuuga repeated then giggled. She looked a little pink around the cheeks and ears.

"Sasuke, sonnovabitch! Don'ya dare!" The mentioned blonde screamed, vocabulary slurring terribly. She was lying on her back on the floor, half her body in her own bedroom while the other half was sprawled outside. Her arms and legs were paralyzed by none other than her best friend.

"Hin'ta-chaaaaan..." Naruto whined, turning her head over to where the brunette sat on her bed, "How could'ya joo t'is to me? I can't believe you're joing t'is t'me! I thought we're soul mates!"

"Hush, Naruto," Hinata snapped with a cold look on her face. The lack of honorifics was not missed too. "It's your turn next anyway." Then she started giggling sweetly again as she turned to Sasuke. "Anytime this year Sasuke-kun~" she said in a sing-song voice.

"Gimme a sec..." Sasuke tensed, "Tell me again, what will happen if I don't push through with the first date-I mean, dare?"

"You would have to walk home naked tonight?"

"Right... fuck it."

The drawer was opened and Sasuke instinctively drew away, arms ready for anything... _nasty _that might pop out. He was met only but soft pristine underwears of varying colors and designs.

Naruto was screaming her head off, her body was less responsive than her throat. "Teme, you put tha'back! I swear'm gonna to cut your ballz'off!"

"I'm just suppose to grab anything here, right?" He said behind hand, face so flushed red like a tomato.

"No, you have to choose the lousiest," Hinata chimed.

"They all seem lousy to me."

"Teme!" Naruto growled, urging her body to move inch by inch.

"I'll give you a clue: it's white and -_hic_- boring," pink-cheeked Hinata added. She had been randomly hiccuping instead of the usual stutter lately.

"She's got several _white_ and _boring_ panties."

"With teddy bear prints."

"... No, I don't see it here."

"You have to at least make the effort of -hic- of d-digging in," Hinata hiccuped again.

"NOOO!" Naruto was able to manage to turn herself over. She lay awkwardly on her side, right arm pinned beneath her while her left looked like it was broken in an odd angle. "Lay one fin'er on them and you die!"

Hinata squeaked at seeing Naruto moving already. She had not anticipated the blonde to recover so quickly.

Sasuke, on the other hand, did not anticipate Hinata jumping over the blonde like one would jump over a water on a sweltering summer day.

"Hin'ta-chan!" the said blonde cried, "I think you 'roke a rib. You acting s'rough with me, I'm thinkin' you're not Hinata-chan 'nymore!"

"Aw, let me kiss the boo-boo away, Naruto-chan~" The brunette began to rain small kisses on the blonde's face.

"No-ngo... stop eet! No..." Naruto protested a bit but gave into Hinata's gentle touches a moment later, purring like a cat.

"I think I know where the panties are!" Sasuke suddenly exclaimed, snapping a finger.

The young man marched towards the pile of limbs and proceeded to pull Naruto's shorts down, enough to see a worn out piece of underwear with faded teddy bear prints.

"Bingo -_hic_-!" Hinata cried, arms in the air waving the V sign.

"Sasuke, asshole!" It was at that moment Naruto's body chose to react, grabbing the Uchiha and tackling him to the floor. Naruto then began to divest him of his own clothing. "You think it's fun-argh! Le'see how you feel with just you und'wear on!"

"Oi, what the fu-" Sasuke cursed.

Hinata felt something fell on her head, covering her from the light. "What's this? Sasuke, isn't this you're shirt?"

"Hinata, now!" Naruto cried, locking the Uchiha's arms behind his back. Strangely, the young man did not put much effort. He was looking at Hinata almost pleadingly.

"What're you waiting for? Take'is pants off!" Naruto ordered.

The brunette complied without question, even going as far as jabbing a few of Sasuke nerves behind his thighs just to keep his lower extremities from moving.

"I got it off!" Hinata exclaimed with delight, waving Sasuke's dark pants like a banner as she spun around.

"Demons! Both of you are fucking demons!" the Uchiha, only in blue boxers, yelled above all the girlish squeals.

"That's wha'you get for looking at my panties!" the blonde yelled at his ear before turning to the still ecstatic Hinata. "And you..." Naruto growled, "You start'd all t'is."

Hinata stopped spinning around and fell on the bed with a loud thud. "My head starting to hurt..." she whined softly. Naruto stalked over to the other girl, gait very unsteady. "Naruto-chan, you look scary now... not cute."

The blonde chuckled darkly, her face cover by the shadows of her thick fringe. "Payback time..." she whispered.

He should have left right after dinner. He regretted ever accepting their offer of a warm meal in the first place.

Sasuke cringed at Hinata's terrified screams and Naruto's pointless evil cackle. He could not dare to watch the horror.

With his lower extremities still useless, the Uchiha struggled to crawl away. His body was getting heavier and heavier by the minute. His brain urged him to find away to get away from this hell hole.

His eyes were beginning to blur but at last he found the door to freedom. Sliding it open took more energy than he expected but no matter because he was finally getting out.

"Sasuke! Sasuke!" Hinata's cries for him rang through the haziness of his own steadily dimming mind. Looking over his shoulder, he saw the brunette pulling the hem of her mesh shirt down to cover her pink panties. Tears were streaming down her face as she stumbled forward and crashed right on top of him.

"Get her away from me! Get her away!" she cried.

"Y-your knees... are digging on my back," Sasuke said but the Hyuuga did not hear anything over the sound of her own cries.

Sasuke felt another presence coming-a more diabolical one. He started to inch away but only to realize that he had stumbled upon a narrow closet. Random shoes and boxes and some old dolls were staring at him, mocking him.

"Fuck..." he cursed his fate right before another body landed on top of him.

And his world slowly went black.

* * *

><p><em>Several hours later...<em>

The great Jiraiya-sama was in the kitchen rummaging through the fridge in search for his experimental mix that contains mainly of grape juice and Moon-bud extracts, the kind that they give terminally ill patients just to ease the pain. He only put a little bit of it in the juice, of course. But for some reason or another, he could not find the pitcher he surely remembered putting inside the fridge.

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile...<em>

Minato nearly died of brain aneurysm the moment he stepped into his daughter's room and found pieces of male clothes scattered on the bed, a familiar purple jacket hanging from the ceiling fan and three pairs of _naked_ legs poking out of the closet.

* * *

><p><em>Bakunawa's Corner: Totally <em>_AU. Un-beta-ed. Slightly edited. T rated. Anyways, this is my answer to _The King in White's persistent question of who was the third person in the closet_. Hoped you enjoyed!_


	12. Lullaby for A Stormy Night

**Hime-sama**

by: _Bakunawa_

* * *

><p>XII.<p>

_Little child, be not afraid  
><em>_Though rain pounds harshly against the glass  
><em>_Like an unwanted stranger, there is no danger  
><em>_I am here tonight_

* * *

><p>"Tell me a story..." the small child, bundled in her arms, shivered, "Please, tell me story."<p>

She considered a good story. It had a heroine who lived in a tiny village in the middle of nowhere, a hunter, a magical castle, a curse and a big bad beast.

"Okay, I'll tell you a story," she began, "Listen carefully. Once upon a time..."

The rain continued to pound hard outside.

* * *

><p><em>Little child, be not afraid<em>  
><em>Though thunder explodes and lightning flash<em>  
><em>Illuminates your tear-stained face<em>  
><em>I am here tonight<em>

* * *

><p>Naruto waited for her Daddy to arrive home.<p>

He had been coming home later than usual. He told her that he was a very important man to the village and that she should not be scared if he wasn't always by her side. That did not help her be less afraid of the sudden booming sound of thunder.

So Naruto waited in her Daddy's room, huddled under the sheets of the too big bed as tears steadily flow.

* * *

><p><em>Little child, be not afraid<em>  
><em>Though storm clouds mask your beloved moon<em>  
><em>And its candlelight beams, still keep pleasant dreams<em>  
><em>I am here tonight<em>

* * *

><p>She dreamed of terrible things waiting in the dark. She dreamed of a huge red monster that was the size of mountains with paws as big as houses and it's terrible red eye that would not stop staring at her. She ran and hid away but at every turn and at every nook, the red eye was waiting for her.<p>

Naruto woke up the second time that night with a harsh frightened cry that was drowned out but the crackling lightning.

* * *

><p><em><em>Little child, be not afraid<em>  
><em>Though wind makes creatures of our trees<em>  
><em>And their branches to hands, they're not real, understand<em>  
><em>And I am here tonight<em>_

* * *

><p>Even when awake, she could still feel the red monster watching her with its huge monster eye. It was waiting in the dark corners of the room... behind the curtains... under the bed... it wanted her. She could still hear the whispers, the growls it was making as it tried to reach for her.<p>

Naruto bundled herself deeper under the bedsheets, praying for her Daddy to come home soon.

* * *

><p><em>And someday you'll know<em>  
><em>That nature is so<em>  
><em>The same rain that draws you near me<em>  
><em>Falls on rivers and land<em>  
><em>On forests and sand<em>  
><em>Makes the beautiful world that you'll see<br>__In the morning_

* * *

><p>The woman with red hair in the picture was smiling at her with soft dark blue eyes. Her eyes were telling her something. Naruto would like to guess, imagine what the picture was telling her. It might be something encouraging or something funny that would drive her fears away.<p>

So she took the picture from the bedside table and laid it beside her, just like how her Daddy would always do when he thinks nobody was looking.

* * *

><p><em><em>For you know, once even I was a<em>  
><em>Little child, and I was afraid<em>  
><em>But a gentle someone always came<em>  
><em>To dry all my tears, trade sweet sleep for fears<em>  
><em>And to give a kiss goodnight<em>_

* * *

><p>It was early morning when Naruto was pulled out of sleep the third time around.<p>

"Daddy?" she murmured in a daze as she felt a warm body press against her.

"Did I wake you?" a deeper yet soothing voice asked.

The little girl shook her head, inching closer to her Daddy's warmth as strong arms wrapped around her. "I was waiting for you, Daddy," she whispered, still sleepy.

"I know," the older man whispered back, "It was raining really hard outside... were you scared?"

Naruto nodded but did not answer.

"Did you cry?"

"A little."

"Then you're going to be just fine then," he kissed her forehead, "You're my brave little Naruto."

* * *

><p><em>Well now I am grown<br>__and these years have shown  
><em>_What rain's a part of how life goes  
><em>_But it's dark and it's late  
><em>_So I'll hold you and wait  
><em>_'til your frightened eyes do close_

* * *

><p>"And so they lived happily ever after. The end."<p>

The little child had long since dozed off, still tucked in her arms.

She would have to get up soon and attend to matters concerning the village but that could wait. Kage Bunshin was more useful than a mere combat justu.

For now she was contented, whispering sweet nothings to her sleeping child.

* * *

><p><em>Everything's fine in the morning<em>  
><em>The rain'll be gone in the morning<em>  
><em>But I'll still be here in the morning<em>

* * *

><p><em>Disclaimer: Lullaby for A Stormy Night by Vienna Teng<em>


	13. Crack Tales: Little Red Riding Hood

**Hime-sama**

by: _Bakunawa_

* * *

><p>XIII. Crack Tales: Little Red Riding Hood<p>

Once upon a time there was a little boy who lived in a village hidden in leaves. Whenever this little boy went out he would always wear a red riding cloak, so everyone in the village hidden in leaves called him Little Red Riding Hood.

"I refuse to be called such a name," the little boy (who is actually a tall young man of sixteen) said, frowning at the heavens.

It's still not your turn, Sasuke-kun. And you don't have a choice at the matter. You're playing the titular character. Whether you like it or not, we're calling you Little Red Riding Hood.

"Don't break the fourth wall, idiot," someone hissed from the background.

Let us now continue with the tale...

One morning, Little Red Riding Hood asked his mother if he could go to visit his brother as it had been awhile and they heard that his nii-san had fallen sick.

"That's a good idea," his mother said. So they packed a nice basket for Little Red Riding Hood to take to his brother.

When the basket was ready, the teenage put on his red cloak and kissed his mother goodbye.

"Remember, go straight to your brother's house," his mother cautioned. "Don't dawdle along the way and please don't talk to strangers! The woods are dangerous."

"I'm almost jounin level, mom," said Little Red Riding Hood, "I think strangers should be careful of me."

"I don't think those lines were on the script, honey," Mikoto whispered, sweatdropping.

"I really don't care. We are not even supposed to be in this ridiculous fanfic either," the boy scoffed.

Mikoto covered her youngest son's mouth before he could get another word out. "That's enough now. Just go to your brother's house like a good little boy and don't upset Bakunawa-san with these nonsense talk, 'kay sweety?"

Another murmur from Little Red Riding Hood before picking up his basket. Mikoto sighed but ushered her youngest son out.

Little Red Riding Hood made his way towards his older brother's home cottage just a little way out of the village gates. But when he noticed some lovely flowers in the woods, he forgot the promise to his mother not to dawdle.

"I don't not recall making any promises," the young man in red yelled to the sky, "And don't you even think about making me bend down just to pick some fucking flowers."

Well, poo you, I'm the writer and I get to be god in fanfiction.

And so Little Red Riding Hood began picking a flowers, watched the butterflies flit about for awhile, listened to the music the birds and the frogs make and then picked a few more flowers until he was able to bunch a lovely bouquet with the skills he secretly acquired from flower arranging classes.

"Damn you to hell!" Little Red Riding Hood growled.

Suddenly, a wild kitsune appeared. "You know, you really had it coming, teme," she said, "And stop breaking the fourth wall."

"What are you doing out here, Naruto?" Little Red Riding Hood turned to his blonde teammate in a ridiculous fox costume. He was also trying but failed to hide the huge ass bouquet of flowers behind his back.

"And that was supposed to be my line!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Then if you must know, I'm on my way to see Itachi who lives in a cottage in the forest, near the brook," Little Red Riding Hood replied, "and don't ask why the hell is he living there when it's perfectly logical to live inside the village when you are an A class jounin with a pretty big name in other countries' bingo books."

Naruto, or better known as the kitsune in this story, closed her mouth with an audible snap.

"And if you would excuse me, I'm already late with this appointment with my brother."

"Nice bouquet. I'm sure Itachi will love it." Naruto snickered, teasing.

"Damn you!" Little Red hissed to the skies again as he stomped down the path to his brother's house.

The kitsune, in the meantime, took a shortcut. She was a little out of breath from running when she finally arrived at Itachi's place. She knocked on the door lightly.

There was silence.

Naruto knocked a little harder.

Still no answer.

The kitsune let herself in. Poor Naruto did not have time to say another word, before a trap was sprung!

Itachi poked his head from behind the coach he was hiding from. "Naruto-hime? What are you doing here?"

"Ita-nii~" Naruto whined, tears brimming at the corners of her eyes, from where she was tied up from shoulders to ankle upside down, "Do you really have to set a trap for me?"

"Apologies, hime-sama," Itachi said as he came to untie the kitsune from the ceiling. "It's just safety precautions. Living in a cottage in the middle of the forest tends to attract the wolves."

"Well, obviously, I'm not a wolf so get me down!"

Itachi chuckled, noting the furry fox costume as he lowered the girl down and untied the yards and yards of rope.

"So what brings a fox-or should I say little vixen-to my humble abode?" Itachi asked.

"You're younger brother, Little Red Riding Hood-wow, that's a mouthful! He's coming to visit you and he should be arriving soon if he isn't sidetracked... or if he keeps his mouth shut long enough." She whispered the last part to herself.

This earned a confounded look from the older Uchiha.

"So I figured I'd set a prank on him or something. Wanna help me out?"

Itachi took a moment to consider, head tilted to the side and lips pierced in contemplation. The next second, he agreed with a mischievous grin on his usually stoic face.

A few minutes later, Red Riding Hood knocked on the door. The kitsune jumped into bed and pulled the covers over her nose. "Who is it?" she called in a deeper voice.

"It's me."

"Little Red Riding Hood! Do come in, brother," croaked the kitsune, pretending to be sick.

"My name is not Little Red Riding Hood," Little Red Riding Hood hissed again, an angry red vein was throbbing on his forehead as he entered the little cottage.

The moment he saw his older brother, he could scarcely recognize him.

"Nii-san, your voice sounds... odd. Is something the matter?" he asked.

"Oh, I just have touch of a cold," squeaked Naruto adding a cough to prove the point.

"But nii-san! What big ears you have," said Little Red Riding Hood as he edged closer to the bed.

"The better to hear you with, lil' bro," replied the kitsune.

"But nii-san! What big blue eyes you have," said Little Red Riding Hood narrowing his eyes.

"The better to see you with, lil' bro," replied the kitsune.

"But nii-san! What big teeth you have," said Little Red Riding Hood.

"I do not!" roared the kitsune and she leapt out of the bed, fangs and all. The prank she had in mind all gone.

Almost too late, Little Red Riding Hood realized that the person in the bed was not his older brother, but a ticked off Naruto in a fuzzy fox costume.

He ran across the room and through the door, shouting, "Help! It's the Kyuubi no Yoko!" as loudly as he could. He stopped on his tracks abruptly. "The hell am I running for?" he said, turning around and stomped back inside the cottage.

Meanwhile, the Hokage of the village, who was chopping logs nearby for no apparent reason, heard a cry for help and ran towards the cottage as fast as he could. And he was pretty fast, if you know what I mean.

Upon his arrival, he was surprised to see his only daughter in an appalling fox costume battling it out (Valley of the End style) with Uchiha Fugaku's youngest son.

"Hokage-sama," the calm voice of Uchiha Itachi said, "Lovely day for a stroll, isn't it?"

"Itachi!" Minato nearly jumped out of his skin when the older of the Uchiha sibling appeared right beside him. But he did not just because that would have been uncool for a Hokage. "Oh, yes," he agreed, "It is a lovely day for strolling... and for chopping wood too!"

Itachi nodded his head his agreement instead, a single sweat dropped from his forehead.

"But Itachi, tell me, why is my daughter currently gnawing on Little Red Riding Hood's head? Aren't you worried about your cottage? It's almost beyond repair!"

"The cottage is just fine, Hokage-sama. This is fanfiction after all."

"Your reasoning make absolutely no sense but I'll acquiesce to your logic anyway."

Both men nodded in mutual agreement.

"But Itachi, I would really have to break this fight."

"Of course, sir," Itachi bowed, taking a step back as the Hokage grabbed the kitsune by her big fuzzy ear.

"Young lady, you have some explaining to do."

"Daddy, ow~" Naruto whined.

"Oh Itachi, I was so scared!" sobbed Little Red Riding Hood, "And have no idea why I just said that. Damn you to hell and thousand times over, Bakunawa!"

"There, there, Little Red Riding Hood. No need to break the fourth wall."

"The fuck I care about a damn wall! And for the last time, my name is _not_ Little Red Fucking Hood!"

"You've learned an important lesson," Itachi continued, choosing to ignore his younger brother's dismay, "And I have not a clue as what to that is."

"Fuck you all..." Little Red Riding Hood whimpered.

The Hokage dragged out his daughter, the kitsune, and took her back to the village where he wouldn't bother Uchiha brothers any longer.

Little Red Riding Hood and his older brother had a nice picnic and a long chat about the finer points in life.

It was more of a long drone from Itachi while Little Red Riding Hood contemplated between suicide and murder.

The end.

* * *

><p>Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Little Red Riding Hood.<p> 


	14. Another 1 to 20 Themes

**Hime-sama**

by: _Bakunawa_

* * *

><p>XIV. Another 1 to 20 Themes<p>

1. Crash

He did not so much as fell but crashed in love with her. And he can't think of a better way to go.

2. Soft

He never understood how she constantly complains about them being too "big and bouncy" because he has never seen a perfect pair as hers.

3. Odds and Ends

She has a Hokage for a Daddy, an billion ryo inheritance from a renowned book franchise and a steady income for being a chuunin, so money shouldn't be an issue for her. What really irked him was how cheap she could be with everything she owns.

4. Fight

It never ends well for them.

5. Born

"Watch me! I'll make my own path!"

6. Breakable

His heart was made of ice—thin and cracked.

7. Belong

"Gotcha!"

8. Veneer

He hides centuries upon centuries of madness behind a cold handsome face. She hides an age-old natural disaster behind bright smiles and sweet laughter.

9. Goodbye

"The first time you left... you stuck an arm through my chest. Sorry but I think I'd rather keep you here with me."

10. Monster

"We all are."

11. Grave

Jiriaya might be turning in his grave with the things they've been up to.

12. I know

"How did you do that?" she asks, out of breath, "That was like... amazing. I'm not even mad."

He just gives her a lazy smile.

13. Sigh

He adores the small little sounds she make whenever he does this to her.

14. July

Times like these-wet and pouring-he'd rather be home, cuddling. He'd never admit it to anyone though. He's Uchiha-effing-Sasuke, bad-ass extraordinaire!

15. Morgue

"Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!"

16. Letters

"Daddy still reads them. When I was younger, he'd sometimes read them out-loud... so I'll know what kind of person she was."

17. Emblem

She was carrying the fate of the entire shinobi world on her shoulders. Just like the her father's white coat, over-sized for her smaller stature, she felt devastatingly overwhelmed.

18. Bone

He had not admitted this but the first time she broke her leg, he was silently freaked out as he watched her bone mend itself in mere hours.

19. Ring

"If he liked it then he should've put a ring on it..." she slurred.

20. Contentment

Though she can whip up simple everyday meals that are as bland as card board paper, her greatest culinary achievement lies on her ramen recipes.


	15. Crack Tales: Beauty and the Beast

**Hime-sama**

by: _Bakunawa_

* * *

><p><strong>Crack Tales: Beauty and the Beast<strong>

Once upon a time, in the Land of Fire, there lived an Uchiha and his two sons.

One day, the Uchiha was to go to a far-off place and he asked his sons what they wanted on his return.

The first son wanted dark purple nail polish and a new set of eyeballs. The youngest son, whose name was Beauty, said, "The fuck am I allowing this again!"

"Son, I wouldn't do that if I were you," sighed the Uchiha Patriarch, "Just stick to the script."

"I am _not _letting anyone desecrate my name," the youngest Uchiha male seethed, "My name is Sasuke. Not Beauty. Not Little Red Riding Hood. SASUKE! You hear that Bakuna-"

Beauty's tirade was cut short with a snap of lightning hitting him in the ass.

"Told you to stick to the script," Fugaku crossed his arms. "Just say your lines before _she _starts getting funnier ideas."

Shaking all over, with his bum sizzling still, Beauty said, "F-Father, I only need a r-rose... p-plucked by your hand."

"Attaboy!" Itachi slapped his younger brother amicably.

"Assholes..." seethed Beauty.

* * *

><p>The Uchiha Patriarch, on his way back home, had to cross through the deep forest. It was dark and Fugaku tried to find a place to sleep. He suddenly found a huge castle in the middle of nowhere and went inside to find nobody. It was totally deserted but as he passed through a great hall, there was a huge table with delicious food, most of them bowls of ramen. Having traveled far, he graciously thank whatever deity was looking after him and he ate.<p>

Fugaku practically inhaled everything on the table like a dying man. And eating unknown food, served by unknown people, in a totally creepy unknown castle in the middle of a totally creepy forest is absolutely _fine_. It's not like he's marrying someone he just met, right?

Then the dark-haired man went into the bedroom and slept on a soft and fluffy bed.

The next day, too, the Uchiha did not find anyone in the castle. Preparing to leave, he saw a beautiful rose bush growing in the lawn and remembered Beauty's gift.

He plucked a red rose from the bush when suddenly, a ferocious Kitsune sprang. She was wearing fine silk clothes and roared, "I gave you food and a bed to sleep in! And now, you are stealing my roses, dattebayo!"

The Uchiha was frightened, squealing like a school girl, and told the Kitsune about Beauty's gift. The Kitsune decided to let him go only if he promised to send Beauty to this castle.

The Uchiha agreed and ran back home. He cried and told his sons about the great Kitsune and her demands. But Beauty loved her father a lot and agreed to go stay with the Beastly Kitsune.

"Just to set the record straight," Beauty said to his family before leaving, "I hate you all for this."

"That's good, son," Fugaku patted Beauty, seeing him off at the gates. "Just temper down while you're with the Kitsune. You don't want to put shame on yourself and the Uchiha clan because you can't keep a straight head now, do we?"

* * *

><p>At first, Beauty was afraid of the Kitsune...<em> kind of<em>.

But slowly, he began to like her... like in a 'i _like_ to shave your hair off' kind of _like_.

The Kitsune treated Beauty with a lot of kindness.. _sort of_.

She was never rude to him... _much_.

She let him stay in the biggest room, because Beauty just had to have the biggest one, and let him roam in the beautiful garden.

Beauty would sit near the fireplace and sew while the Kitsune kept him company.

"I didn't know you could sew," she murmured, mesmerized by Beauty's deft hands.

"Shut up, dobe," answered Beauty, blushing madly.

* * *

><p>One day, the Kitsune asked Beauty to marry her, but he refused. He was still afraid of her fearful-looking face.<p>

"Hold on a second!" the Kitsune exclaimed to the skies, "Nobody said anything about marriage."

"And I'd rather have my entire clan slaughtered before I say 'I do' to this dobe," Beauty added, flustered.

"Right back at you, teme!"

Two lightning strikes to the asses and they both kept their mouths shut.

* * *

><p>The Kitsune still treated her kindly and with a lot of love. But Beauty missed his father a lot.<p>

"Actually, I fucking don't," Beauty muttered.

"Will you shut it, baka-teme?" the Kitsune told him off under her breath, giving him a magic mirror and said, "Here. Look at the mirror and you can see your clan again. Believe it. Now, will you stop mouthing off because unlike you, I like my derriere unscathed."

* * *

><p>One day, Beauty looked in the mirror and saw that Fugaka was indeed dead and so was the entire Uchiha clan.<p>

He went to the Beast and cried, "I'm leaving! I need to avenge my clan!"

The Kitsune countered, "Dude, you totally asked for it. And besides, you promised you would never leave this castle." Saying this, she stormed out of the room, all nine tails flurrying in her wake.

But after some time, she came to Beauty and said, "I changed my mind. You can go and find the bastard that massacred your clan. But you must promise to return after that."

Beauty was very happy and agreed. Then she left and went to Orochimaru's place to become an avenger.

The Snake Sennin, on seeing Beauty, felt very happy indeed.

* * *

><p>Beauty stayed with the mad Sennin for two years until he caught his family's murderers, who happened to be his brother Itachi and one of his older cousins, who was supposedly KIA before either Beauty or Itachi was born, but was actually alive and was posing as one of the deceased Uchiha forefathers... it was all very confusing but Beauty killed Itachi anyway. The other guy got away.<p>

Beauty totally forgot about the Kitsune and her castle. But one night, he had a terrible nightmare in which he saw the Kitsune was very ill and about to die. She was crying, "Beauty, you fucking bastard, come back!"

Beauty woke up and went back to the castle, because he did not mean to hurt the Kitsune. He cried and said, "Please don't die, Kitsune! I will live with you forever!"

The Kitsune miraculously changed into a beautiful blonde princess. She said, "I was under a curse all these years, believe it! I could only be relieved when someone fell in love with me. I am now cured of the curse because you truly love me."

And then, Beauty and the Kitsune were married and together they lived happily ever after.

"We did _no_ such thing, dattebayo!" the former-Kitsune protested.

"Me? Married to _her_?" Beauty grimaced, "I'd rather have Itachi raised from the dead and start a world war, than..." Eyed the golden haired princess up and down.

"Ex-cuse _me_?" the blonde fully turned her attention to her partner, "Don't you give me that damn hairy eyeball and if anyone asks who should be called Beauty now..." she placed extra emphasis to her smooth cream cleavage, "Between you and me, I think you know who it is?"

Beauty opened his mouth for a retort but he completely forgot what it was when his eyes zeroed in on the bountiful bosom she was pushing up.

* * *

><p><em>Bakunawa: I do not own Naruto or Beauty and the Beast.<em>


End file.
